Startling Statement
Did you know that 43% of public elementary school children are overweight, and 79% of New York City children don’t get their five daily servings of fruit and vegetables? What about that the percentage of overweight children has tripled from 1970? One in five children between the ages of 6 to 17 is overweight. This is because America is becoming fat, due to fast food and eating unhealthily. One of the main fast food businesses is McDonalds. One the bottom of a McDonald’s pamphlet states that “chemicals are known to cause cancer, or birth defects, or other reproductive harm may be present in foods or beverages sold or served here.” McDonalds sells 75 burgers every second, and that is why I think McDonalds is the leading cause for obesity in the U.S.
Narrative
Timmy is a five year old kid who is overweight. He eats at McDonalds at least twice a week and has suffered greatly from it. When he grows up he will have diabetes and clogged arteries all because the McDonalds are focused on kids, with its toys and playscapes, to fatty, tasty food. Timmy’s mom and dad also go to McDonalds. His mom had to go to the hospital for chest pains and his father is likely to get cancer from the chemicals in the food. What if this was your family?
Question/Descriptive
Billions of kids go to McDonalds every day, getting fatter and sicker. McDonald’s commercials are all about how healthy their product is because that’s just how Unhealthy it is. McDonalds is one of the leading causes for obesity in America. How do they make so much money? They are cheap, that’s why. They use inhuman, cheap ways to raise and slaughter livestock. Then they make cheap food that is swimming in fat and pesticides to make it tasty. They have cheap toys and playscapes to appeal to younger kids, and low prices to appeal to their parents. The place is unsanitary, because they are too lazy to clean and don’t spend the money to keep the McDonalds clean and healthy, and yet they sell 75 burgers every second.
-Mr. Owl
I think your narrative lead is the most effective because it makes me want to read further. The actual picture of Timmy makes it closer to home.
ReplyDelete-Frito Bandito
I like the first lead but I think that you should cut out the last sentence, or cut out the "I think" because without the "I think" it makes it seem more professional.
ReplyDelete-Chef Boyardee
The first lead looks the most professional because of your effective use of logos. The facts you used are really, really interesting.
ReplyDeleteYour leads are really nice!!! I like the first lead the most (it's great!), and agree with Chef Boyardee that you should delete the "I think"s. I also think that you should delete the statistic about NYC because this magazine is specifically local. The second lead is good but Timmy isn't real . . . if he was then I think that could be your lead for the article. The second sentence in the third lead doesn't make much sense-- but maybe that's just me. :)
ReplyDeleteClara A.
I like the first lead, they are all descriptive exept for the Narrative. Overall they are great.
ReplyDeletepost on top of this one is from Juan J.
ReplyDeleteGreat job for the leads especially the first lead, very descriptive.
ReplyDeleteI liked the one about Narrative because is the story of a kid and the family.
ReplyDeleteH.B
I like the narrative the best because it seems like "Timmy" can be anyone I can meet. It really shows how dangerous McDonalds can be. the question at the end is the best. It really makes me want to read on.
ReplyDelete"Toucan Sam"
I think the first one the best. It doesn't just scream I hate McDonalds which I don't think you lead should(except for your thesis)
ReplyDelete